Lost

Have you ever set a target for yourselve and didn't reach it? What ever reason stop you from reaching it. I kept adding new items to my target list but i have achieve none of them. Maybe this targets takes a long time to reach or maybe this targets aren't really that visible. I dunno there's too much items to go through them one by one. But there's one of them I've been wondering, to give my girl the best that i can provide.

Whats the best of me to give to my girl? I do not have a strong language foundation to teach and guide her nor do i have any skills that will be usefull to her as a girl. All i know is that i need to earn money asap just to feed and groom her. I wish she wouldn't blame me for anything i couldn't teach.

Due to some uprise of events, I feel lost and demoralise. I often end up giving up or losing interest in things I do. Sometimes I didn't even start it and gave up at the beginning. Worst of all, i missed the reward. Thinking back i never make a good decision before, always taking the wrong path to my "destination" make me feel like a idiot. Just like what naruto felt when everyone boycott him, "I was in the loser category".

Doing what i felt best at, is doing nothing. Even if people is to say that i'm a computer expert, deep down inside I dun feel like one. I want to know more about computer, not just programming it, fixing it, understanding the outlook of how things work. I want to know in-dept of every single component of the computer, every single detail of how electricity and polarity, displays and stores our data. It's very fascinating to me how it calculates and computes our inputs and displays and stores the output.

Even if I got what I most despire, what I want to know before I die is what is my purpose in life.